


Beauty, Infinite

by GaHoolianGirl



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: During Canon, Established Relationship, Introspection, It's just Spock being a big gay baby thinking about the concept of beauty, M/M, Romance, So if that sounds like your cup of tea then you'll enjoy this, Spock-centric, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:32:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaHoolianGirl/pseuds/GaHoolianGirl
Summary: Beauty was an entirely subjective means of measuring the value of an object or being, based off values and tastes that varied so widely between infinite societies that there was no one true example to accurately base formal standardization off of. It was unnecessary, unreliable, and the belief in it all too often lead to poor and unjustly biased decisions being made.Yet he was forced to concede that James Kirk was beautiful.





	Beauty, Infinite

**Author's Note:**

> SURPRISE I still love Star Trek and these boys. I decided to rewatch my favorite TOS episodes, and with TOS, comes Spirk. This is tonally similiar to my last SPirk fic two years ago, so feel free to see it as a companion piece, even thought I didn't write it with that intention.

Beauty was an entirely subjective means of measuring the value of an object or being, based off values and tastes that varied so widely between infinite societies that there was no one true example to accurately base formal standardization off of. It was unnecessary, unreliable, and the belief in it all too often lead to poor and unjustly biased decisions being made.

To put it humanly, Spock did not like the concept.

However, there were times when distaste ( _lo_ _gically arrived at distaste_ , he would defend) could not override the fact that a word was, at times, the only descriptor that would be apt and appropriate, when the rest of his vocabulary was simply not enough.

James T. Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise, his friend and lover, was beautiful. So much so that it caused him mild irritation (mild was the only degree to which he would admit, at the very least), as he wished to verbalize his feelings in a manner that were in quantifiable terminology that could not be denied by anyone. Yet, he did not once achieve what he would deem success. As such, he was forced into the position of conceding that Kirk was beautiful.

Effortlessly, painfully, entirely beautiful, at least by Spock’s personal metrics.

If he were to attempt to explain the specific aspects of the Captain that lead him to this conclusion, the strongest argument he came up with was his smile.

He gave it out freely, but it’s sincerity never cheapened. After many years of observing and living with humans, most greatly aided by having one for a mother, Spock was uniquely equipped to gauge whether or not that famous horizontal stretching of the lips was genuine, and it was rarely anything else, when it came to Kirk. He extended it as a gesture of peace to new acquaintances, invitation to those he took romantic interest in (Spock was intimately familiar with this particular iteration), and a threat to those who underestimated him. It carried as such a variety of meanings that it was as confounding as it was alluring. 

That was the most accurate he could be on his own, and it was nowhere near as complete as he would prefer. So, there was only one course of action to take to further his research.

* * *

 Kirk laughed heartily at the question, laying a hand on his stomach like he wished to contain the noise inside him. He did not see what was so silly about such a straightforward inquiry.

They had a few free hours, which they chose to spend in one of their favorite ways, three dimensional chess. The game went rather expediently, as Spock wished to have his questioned answered as quickly as possible. Now they simply chatted in the quiet room.

“Do I see myself as, as beautiful?” he took a deep breath, steadying himself, “I don’t very well suppose I could answer that, Mr. Spock.”

Spock’s eyebrow raised, in a manner which he had heard described very characteristic of himself, “Surely you can apply the same logic you would apply to another to yourself?”

“I could do that, but that would end up complicating things, in my opinion. If I judged myself that way, my self esteem would take quite the blow.”

“You hold others to such a high standard?”

Kirk smiled the smile he smiled when he wanted Spock to call him by his given name, “That’s not exactly it.”

“Jim,” he could not help but be indulgent in that matter, “Then what is it?”

Jim reached out to lay a hand on his lover’s wrist, a gentle, maddening touch, and his smile softened, conveying a different meaning now, “You have become my new standard of physical beauty, Spock. It would be wholly unfair to try and compare myself to you. You can’t beat perfection.”

Ah.

Unsurprising in how easily he could surprise him. While he searched for the way to describe how beautiful he found his Captain, is Captain had already made a concrete decision on his own.

“I presume you know how-”

“Illogical it is to declare that you’re perfect, when perfection does not exist? You presume correctly, then. It’s a little pleasure humans indulge in, deciding that the person they love most is the best person they could possibly love. Gives weight to our relationships.”

“I-” _Knew that?_ That would be an untruth, “I believe I can understand the desire. To a certain degree.”

“To a certain degree,” Jim parroted, smile broadening into what could be defined as a grin, “Of course, you understand, totally empirically. That’s why you asked if I believed myself to be beautiful?”

“Yes.”

“I won’t waste this brief off duty time we have together teasing you, Spock,” he said with mirth, inching his hand down so that the edge of his palm rested on the back the other’s hand, “I don’t think I can really help you. ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ they say, I can’t put words in your mouth.”

That was the complicated nature of opinion, wasn’t it? And opinion could not be dismissed as easily as emotion, for opinion was needed to find logical truths. It pained him to show his vulnerabilities in these circumstances, but...that might be his answer, logically arrived at even if not what he wished it to be. To find the objective answer, he must embrace the subjective.

“Would you allow me to test the words I have considering for this purpose?”

“Please do,” was the emphatic reply he received.

“Calming,” his love’s mere presence soothed the emotions that raged to the surface, balmed the pain they caused him.

“Inspiring,” there was no human Spock would rather serve under, even if he did not love him as he did. His entire being, his every trait, seemed to be designed to lead others, and Spock would gladly follow. 

“All encompassing,” there was no part of Jim that he did not admire, even his flaws (his inability to allow himself to fail, his need to be in control of everything that went on around him, they were byproducts of the other things that made him beautiful, and therefore fell under that classification themselves).

Jim laughed again, now fully laying his hand over Spock’s, still softly, not applying pressure without consent, not ever, “I hope you don’t judge me for thinking you were about to go into detail about my appearance. Not to say I don’t appreciate what you said,” his expression evened out into that of serious sincerity, and his first officer could not find it in him to look away, “Believe me, I did. In fact, I think I fell even more in love with you at this very moment.”

Emboldened, and full of a passion he dared not acknowledge, Spock rotated his wrist so their hands lay palm to palm, not firm enough to fully embrace the mental connection, but close enough to flirt with it, to taste the bond it brought. Though nonverbal signals were imprecise and often unreliable, that’s exactly what this gesture was.

An invitation.

One which was accepted without hesitation.

As he pressed his hand down so their fingertips met more solidly, Jim’s eyes fell shut, and Spock allowed himself, for this one instance, here alone with the one being in the universe who he gave the right to fully know him, to freely feel.

And what word would he utilize to describe what he felt at that moment?

Beautiful.•

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought, and let me know if I still got their voices right.


End file.
